


The Adventures of Tweek and the New Kid

by RoseyR



Category: South Park
Genre: Bossy Tweek, Fluff and Humor, M/M, New kid being new kid, Tweek POV, a lot of panicking, sassy Tweek, slight creek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-20 15:36:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseyR/pseuds/RoseyR
Summary: Tweek has graciously offered to babysit Stripe while Craig was away for a week, but of course he needs help, so who does he call? The new kid of course.It was suppose to be a relaxing day of taking care of a guinea pig right? So why are there people that wants to take Stripe away?





	The Adventures of Tweek and the New Kid

**Author's Note:**

> ...Okay...let me explain. I randomly just wanted to write a story involving my new kid and Tweek because Tweek is my favorite character and I wanted to make him look awesome and cute.
> 
> So don't judge me if this concept is really random and all that!
> 
> I'm very sick right now and honestly, I didn't feel like writing something serious, so you get this...
> 
> I'm mainly writing this for myself since I felt like writing a shit story.
> 
> So if you like it...well good for you I guess...and glad you read it I guess...enjoy!

My name is Tweek Tweak. I'm currently in my boyfriend's bedroom right now. Craig is leaving for a family trip for a week and he has entrusted me in taking care of our pet guinea pig. Stripe #4. I'm honored to be given this responsibility, but I'm a bit nervous.

"Thanks again for taking care of Stripe while I'm away babe," Craig said.

"O-of course, I am Stripe #4's other dad aren't I?" I said.

"I know and you're the best dad ever," Craig leans in and kissed my cheek. I kinda wished he would kiss my lips. So far, Craig and I haven't even kissed once on the lips, he's mostly been kissing my cheeks, my hands, my forehead, and even on my eyelids, but he never kissed me on the lips. It's kinda frustrating. "...Are you sure you can handle Stripe on your own?"

"Of course, I've taken care of him before remember?"

"Yeah, for like a couple of hours...you never had him for an entire day, so how are you going to handle an entire week?"

"It'll be fine, I've watched what you do when you take care of him. I know his routine and I know what he likes to eat and what he shouldn't eat. I know when to play with him and I know what time to brush him. It'll be fine Craig. Trust me."

Craig looked at me with that blank stare of his for a minute, but smiled. "Okay honey, I'm trusting you with our son for a week while I go out of town and go on a boring family vacation."

"I'm sure it won't be that boring."

"No...I want it to be boring. Simple and boring. Just the way I like it."

"Right..." I sighed. I love Craig, but sometimes I don't understand some of his interests.

"Craig! We're leaving now so get your butt in the car!" Craig's mom shouted.

"Looks like I better get going. Here's Stripe's cage and stuff. Call me if you're having any problems."

"Pff, I won't get into any problems," I smirked.

"...Alright Mr. Macho. I'll do whatever you want if you can handle Stripe for a week without anything bad happening to him." Craig said.

"R-really?"

"Yep, I'll do whatever you want for a whole day."

I looked at him and smirked. Maybe this is my chance to finally get a kiss on the lips! "Deal!" Craig and I shook hands and then laugh. We really are dorks.

"Craig!"

"I'm coming! You can carry the cage on your own? That is a lot of stuff you're carrying," Craig said as he looked at the duffel bag and the cage with Stripe inside in my hands.

"I'll be fine. I'm pretty strong for my size after all," I said.

"...Alright. See you later babe," Craig kissed me on the cheek once more then turns to leave. I couldn't wait to finally get a kiss on the lips. I let myself out and watched as Craig and his family drives away. Craig waves at me through the window. I would wave back, but my hands were full, so I simply smiled.

Once Craig and his family left, I started heading home carefully. It was a bit tricky since Stripe was inside the cage and I didn't want to rock the cage too much, so I was walking very slowly.

"J-Jesus! It's going to take me hours to get home!" I groaned. Maybe I should have asked Craig for a ride earlier. I sighed and continued walking, but because the cage and bag were in my line of vision, I didn't see the rock in my path, so of course I trip. "Oh no!" I shouted when the cage flew out of my hands. My son! He's going to die!

A hand quickly grabs the cage and gently places it on the ground. Oh thank god, he's alright! I looked at my savior, but was surprised to see it was the new kid.

"Oh...new kid...thanks for saving Stripe!"

"..."

"...Um...y-you gonna say anything?" I asked nervously.

"...."

Fuck...I always feel nervous whenever I'm around the new kid. He...or she...they? I don't know, their character sheet is very confusing and they keep changing it way too many times! But anyways, I get nervous around them because they never spoken or anything! I have no idea what they're thinking! I mean one minute, they're helping me get back together with Craig, the next, they're suddenly beating the shit out of me! Then again...it was all in the games. Outside the games, they were just...there. Never saying anything, never doing anything...they were almost like a background character, yet were still the protagonist of a weird story! Does that even make sense!?

"Um...well...thanks again for saving Stripe...I better get home and now..." I was about to leave, but suddenly the new kid opens the cage and took Stripe out. "Hey! What are you doing!?"

The new kid flinches at me yelling at them, but quickly took their cellphone and started typing something.

_I'm helping you. Calm down._

"Oh...well um...thanks..." The new kid sighs and starts walking ahead. I followed close behind. At least now I don't have to worry about walking carefully now that Stripe is out of the cage. I looked at the new kid and decided to talk to them. "So...um...what are you doing around here?"

"..."

"...Seen any good movies?"

"..."

"...What's your favorite color?"

"..." Oh god, their blank and neutral stares was creepy and intimidating. It's much more worse than Craig's! Jesus fucking Christ! Why is this new kid weird!?

We finally reached my house and I quickly opened the door and placed Stripe's cage and stuff inside. I then walked towards the new kid and they handed me Stripe. "Thanks again for earlier!"

"..." Those eyes...they're really making me uncomfortable.

"Well bye!" I shouted and slammed the door. I didn't mean to be rude, honestly...but the new kid was really weird. Suddenly, a small piece of paper slips underneath the door. I looked at it, confused. I picked it up and realized it was the new kid's number.

_Call me if you're having trouble taking care of Stripe._

I looked at the paper, annoyed. So the new kid thinks I can't handle taking care of Stripe huh? Well I'll show him...her...them...ugh! I really need to look at their character sheet again. I crumbled up the paper and shove it into my pocket.

I put all of Stripe's stuff into my room and finally, I placed Stripe on my bed. Stripe sniffed around and started running around the bed. I looked at him and made sure he didn't run off the bed.

"Eh heh...you're so cute little guy. This week is gonna be a breeze. Once this week is over, Craig is going to be so happy and proud and...and..." I started to blush, "and Craig is finally going to k-kiss me on the lips...and it'll be all thanks to you little guy."

Stripe simple made his cute little noise and proceeded running around my bed. I sighed happily and laid down. Stripe started climbing on top of me and finally laying down on my chest. Man...this was going to be a nice week. Just Me and Stripe...that doesn't sound so bad. I show that new kid and Craig that I can handle taking care of Stripe on my own. I'll show them that I'm responsible enough to take care of a little guinea pig.

I looked at Stripe and smiled as I watched the little guy fall asleep on my chest. I'm kinda getting tired myself. I decided to close my eyes and take a rare nap. I'm sure it'll be fine...nothing...bad could happen...

* * *

I wake up with a start when I felt someone started shaking me. I opened my eyes and shrieked when I see someone in my room.

"Jesus!" I fall off my bed and hit the ground. "Ow..." I looked up and saw the new kid. "W-what are you doing in my house!?"

"..."

"Ugh...you know this is illegal right? I can call the cops on you for breaking in here!"

"..." The new kid sighed and suddenly took out a notepad and a pen and started writing something.

_Sorry for breaking in but it seems like your little guinea pig was stolen._

I read their writing and was confused. I suddenly looked at my bed and realized that Stripe was gone.

"...Oh God!" I screamed as I started running around in my room and tried to locate Stripe. "Stripe! Stripe! Where are you little buddy! Stripe!?"

The new kid then grabs me by the shoulder and slaps me across the face. What the fuck! That really hurt!

"What the fuck man! ...girl...seriously...what is your gender!?"

The new kid glares at me but continued to stay silent.

"...You...what did you do to Stripe!?" I shouted as I grabbed the new kid by their collar.

The new kid sighed and pushes me away. They then started writing something.

_Like I said, Stripe was stolen._

"Stolen!? Who would steal a guinea pig!?"

They started writing something.  _There's a bunch of people that would steal a guinea pig._

"Not my point! Who stole Stripe!?"

The new kid looked hesitant, but started writing something.  _The mob._

I looked at their notepad then looked at them. This was a joke wasn't it? I started to laugh.

"Ha ha ha good one! The mob took Stripe! Yeah right! Ha ha ha!"

They weren't laughing.

"Ha ha ha...come on...laugh...this is a joke right?"

Nothing...

"...This isn't a joke...is it...?"

They shook their heads. Oh fuck.

"Why would the mob steal a guinea pig...and how the fuck did they steal him!"

The new kid shrugged. Great...just great...it hasn't been a day and I already screwed up...I'm useless...

I sat on my bed and placed my hands on my head. Craig is never going to forgive me for this. He'll probably break up with me...and...and...I'll never get that kiss!

"..." The new kid sat next to me and patted my head.

I sniffled. "T-thanks...but it's no use. Stripe is gone and Craig is gonna find out and b-break up with me!"

The new kid looked at me and then started writing again.  _He won't find out and break up with you because we're gonna get Stripe back._

Wait what? "What do you mean!? There's no way we can get Stripe back from the fucking mob! We're only kids!"

_Don't worry, I have a plan._

I looked at the new kid. They were smiling at me. I started feeling very uneasy.

"...Okay new kid...I'm trusting you...but if we get killed, I'm blaming you!"

* * *

We headed to the main street and we soon found ourselves at Peppermint Hippo.

"...What are we doing here!?"

"..." They started writing.  _I heard that they were going in here._

"Okay...question. How did you know, and two...why are you writing this? Can't you use your phone?"

The new kid looked at me and sighed.  _Well While I was going to see Kenny, I spotted them and they were holding Stripe. I overheard them and knew they were coming here. To answer your second question...I'm...already at my limit..._

"Jesus...what kind of sick freak takes a guinea pig from a kid's house...and you need a better data plan."

_Fuck you, you know how expensive that shit is?_

"F-fair point...why were you going to see Kenny?"

_Enough questions. You wanna save Stripe or not?_

"R-right!"

We headed inside, but suddenly, we were stopped by the bouncer. "Sorry kiddies, you gotta be at least twenty-one to get in here."

"B-but...my guinea pig son is in there and I got to save him!"

"I said scram!"

We hesitated, but got out of there. "Shit! What are we going to do now man!?" The new kid looked around and suddenly headed left. "Where are you going!?" I followed them until we reached the dumpster. "What are you-"

_Give me a boost._

"...A-alright...I don't know what you're planning..." I gave them a boost and the climbed on top of the dumpster. They then reached out and I grabbed their hand. They lifted me up. "Okay...we're up here now...now what?"

_Are you always this sassy?_

"I'm a very distressed dad right now! I have the right to be sassy!"

The new kid rolled their eyes and opened the window that was above the dumpster. They climbed in. Oh god...this will not be good. I followed them inside and I realized we were in a restroom.

"Jesus! This place is filthy! ...is that a fucking condom!? Who would be fucking in here!?"

New kid grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door. We were in. We walked around and tried to find the mobsters. The new kid suddenly pointed at the VIP lounge.

"That must be where they are. Come on!" We walked towards the VIP lounge, but were stopped by two bodyguards.

"Sorry pal, no one gets in here besides the boss."

"But...but your boss has my guinea pig!"

"No one gets in unless your a dancer."

"Fuck! What are we going to do!?" Suddenly, the new kid started dancing. "What are you doing!? This isn't the time for dancing!"

The new kid glared at me and then bobbed their head towards the bodyguards.

"Wow...they really have young strippers here..."

"Or she's just short..."

"Hm..."

Oh I see...we pretending to be dancers...oh god, this is too much pressure! The new kid looked at me, wanting me to start dancing. I gulped and started moving my hips. Oh god! If you think Craig doesn't dance, well I also can't dance! I have two left feet after all! Jesus!

"S-see, we're dancers, so can we g-go in?"

"...Mmmm...alright...but I think your friend here should do the dancing while you just look sexy for the boss."

Sexy? I feel offended. I didn't think my dancing was that bad. I peeked at the new kid and saw how they were trying to hold in their laughter.

"Augh...fuck you! Let's just go in...." We entered the VIP lounge and we were met with a very intimidating man. Oh god!

"You the dancers?"

"I um...we...uh..."

"She is, but this one ain't much of a dancer...but she's cute, right boss?"

"...Meh, they look okay. Alright, you. Start dancing. You...why don't you serve me and the boys some drinks."

I gulped as I grabbed a bottle and started filling up their glass. Jesus, I can't believe that worked, they must be really drunk considering I don't look like a girl...I'm not sure about the new kid...I'll admit that they are pretty for...well...whatever they are.

I watched nervously as the new kid climbs on top of the mob boss' lap and started dancing. For some reason...this seems familiar. I think I recall Craig telling me about the time the new kid came in here with Scott and did a lap dance for two drunk guys. I didn't witness that event, but I'm still getting some weird sense of deja vu from this.

New kid then started pointing around the room and I realized that they want me to see if I can find Stripe while they're distracted. I quickly put down the bottle and searched around.

Stripe isn't in here.

I looked to the new kid and gestured to him that Stripe isn't here.

"..." The new kid took out their notepad and started writing.

_Hey sweetie, I heard you and your pals here got a guinea pig earlier...I was wondering if you could show it to me. I love guinea pigs._

"Not much of a talker are you cutie?" The new kid shook their head. "That's fine, it makes you sexier. To answer your question, we did have a guinea pig, but then we handed them to the chefs at Buca De Faggoncini next door."

"What!?" I exclaimed. Suddenly, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and saw it was Craig. "Shit! New kid, it's Craig! What do I do!?"

The new kid looked at me and gestured to me to answer.

"God damn it!" I answered the call and greeted Craig. "H-hey Craig!"

"Hey Tweek, I thought I call and see how things are."

"Oh they're fine! Stripe is safely in my room and not in an Italian restaurant!" The new kid looked at me and slapped their forehead. Oh shit!

"Um...alright...I don't know why Stripe would be in an Italian restaurant, he's not suppose to have anything with tomato sauce."

"Ha ha...y-yeah..."

"Hey...what's that music in the background?"

"Oh um...I'm just listening to this cool song that Clyde sent me. Isn't it funky?"

"I guess...but it's kinda loud..."

"Oh well...I just have the volume really high on my laptop!"

"Tweek...your laptop broke last week and my laptop is with me...so whose laptop are you listening it from?"

"...The new kid!"

"The new kid is with you? Since when were you two friends?"

"Oh of course the new kid and I are friends! After all the stuff we went through like during the fantasy game or the superhero game..."

"Tweek, you literally told me yesterday that the new kid gave you the creeps." I cursed that I put this on speaker phone because the new kid was glaring at me. I mouthed them an apology. "Listen Tweek, you mind sending a picture of Stripe? I really miss him."

"Oh um...I-I can't cause Stripe is getting ready to sleep and I don't want to bug him and all..."

"Oh...then can you at least put the phone near him, I want to hear him make his cute little noises."

"Um...uh..." The new kid gestures me to come closer. "Um sure...here he is..." I handed the phone to the new kid and they started making little sounds that almost sound like guinea pigs noises. "There's Stripe! Now you can hang up now!"

"Wait a minute...something seems...off..."

I started to panic as I looked at my phone then at the new kid. The new kid looked at my phone and suddenly...they started whistling. It was a short whistle, the kind birds made. I was mortified.

"Oh...never mind. Hey Stripe, nice hearing you. I'm sure Tweek is taking good care of you little buddy."

"Y-yep! See, I can totally handle this!"

"Okay great. I'll talk to you later. Bye honey."

"B-bye Craig!" I hung up and looked at the new kid. "...How the fuck did you know Stripe made that noise!?"

The new kid merely looked away and started whistling nervously.

"Well aren't you getting sexier by the minute doll!" the boss suddenly slaps the new kid's butt. Uh oh. The new kid looks at him, then his hand, then back at him. I swear, their eyes turned red.

I closed my eyes as the new kid lunges at the boss. I squeaked when I hear punching and kicking and a very high shrieked. I opened my eyes and my jaw dropped when I saw three unconscious men.

"...Why would you do that!?"

_Hey, at least we know where Stripe is, now let's get out of here._

"Alright alright...just...remind me to never slap your butt...I'm afraid of what you might do.."

_One...you should be...and two...when and why would you even need to slap my butt? And you called me a creep._

"I said I was sorry!"

We walked next door to the Buca De Faggoncini, once inside, the hostess greeted us.

"Welcome customers, table for two?"

"Um...we're not actually here to eat..."

"Oh...okay...makes my job easier then. Do whatever the fuck you want," the hostess sighed.

"Jesus...that is really bad letting two kids walk around a restaurant..."

_You get use to it._

"You've done this before!?"

"..." The new kid then took me to the kitchen.

"Huh...where are all the chefs?" The new kid looked around and then headed to the back. "I-I don't think we're allowed to be in there!" The new kid ignored me and continued going in. What we saw horrified us. "Oh my god! There are guinea pigs in here!"

There were more than fifty cages cages with hundreds of guinea pigs in them. What's going on!?

The new kid picks up a clipboard and hands it to me. After reading it, my eyes bulged out. "They're going to eat these guinea pigs!? Oh Jesus! What the fuck! Who would eat-"

The new kid looked at me as if I didn't want to know the answer.

"Oh...right...but still! Jesus! Wait...if Stripe is in here that would mean..."

"Oh boy, this one with the stripe would be perfect for dinner tonight!" We suddenly hear voices in the next room.

"I agree, the stripe...it is perfect for the meal we have prepared!"

"I can't wait to enjoy this meal with the stripe!"

"Oh Jesus! My baby!" I screamed as I ran towards the door. "Hold it right there you monsters!"

"Eh?"

I walks towards the chef in the middle and grabbed him by the collar. "Give me back my son!"

"Son? What son? We do not have a son...and aren't you too young to have children?"

"No! My guinea pig! The one you got from the mob!"

"Oh that...well...we were going to make him into a tasty soup, but the police chief came and told us to give him the guinea pig."

"What!? Why!?"

"I don't know, we don't question the police, we can't have this place shut down!"

"Oh fuck!" I exclaimed as I let go of the chef and walk back to the other room.

"Hey, don't look sad little buddy, how about we make you some of that guinea pig soup with all these other guinea pigs?"

"I don't want guinea pig soup with all these other guinea pigs! I want my guinea pig not in a guinea pig soup!" I sniffled. I then looked at all the guinea pigs in their cages. They have no idea what is going to happen to them...I...I got to save them. "You monsters, serving guinea pigs on the menu...have you no shame?"

"Well if you think about it, there are countries out there that does eat-"

"Shut up! This is America, and America doesn't eat guinea pigs!"

"..."  _Well..._

"Don't you dare finish writing that sentence new kid," I said.

"..."

"Well what are we suppose to do with all these guinea pigs then if we cannot eat them?"

"I know what you're gonna do. New kid...get them out of their cages." The new kid nodded and hit the side of the shelf, causing all the cages to open. That was...pretty impressive actually. "You're free little guys! You're free! Go and live a new life as wild but free guinea pigs!" I exclaimed.

Nothing. They just stood there on the ground and did nothing. Some were running in circles, but so far, none of them ran out of the door and out of the restaurant.

"What's going on? Don't you guys want to be free?"

_I think these guys actually want revenge._

"What do you mean?" The new kid points and I saw that there was a small group foaming from the mouth as they angrily glare at the chefs.

"Oh meatballs..."

A loud shriek came from all the guinea pigs and they all storm towards the chef.

"Ah! They're biting my meatballs!"

"Oh god!"

"They're in my brains! They're eating my brains!"

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed.

_I'm sure they'll be fine. Let's go._

We left the restaurant. That image will never get out of my head. I didn't even think guinea pigs could be that violent...huh...

"I guess we're heading to the police station next?" The new kid nodded. "Alright...Jesus...this is starting to be something Stan and his group would do..."

"..."

"...Alright, let's go." I seriously wish this kid would talk. I feel like I'm only having a conversation with myself and a piece of paper.

We made it to the police station and once we were there, we found the police chief.

"Um excuse, but do you have a guinea pig that has a stripe on their head?"

"Huh? What do you want with the guinea pig?"

"Oh well...um...the guinea pig belongs to me and my boyfriend, and it was my job to take care of it for a week, but then the mob for some reason stole it from me and then the chefs at Buca De Faggoncini took him and then they told me that you took him from them...so do you have my guinea pig?"

"...You ask too much questions kid, what are you? A cop?"

"What? You're a cop...what?" I looked at the new kid for questions, but they merely shrugged.

"Listen kid, I suggest you stay out of this, it has nothing to do with you..."

"What are you talking about? I just want my guinea pig back...and why are you backing up to that room?"

"I said stay out of it!" The police chief then slams the door.

"...What the fuck! I just want my son back!"

The new kid looks at the door and walks towards it. They then open the door and enter.

"W-wait for me!"

We walked through a long corridor and passed the holding cells and the forensic lab. This place is starting to creep me out.

"Jesus...why is this place so...so...decrepit?"

_I don't know....but let's keep going...I feel like there's going to be a scientist who has a cat but the cat escapes and causes a bunch of chemicals to fill the room up and killing the scientist slowly, but then the air vents managed to get rid of the chemicals, but unfortunately the cat got stuck in the vents and in the end, both the cat and the scientist died from the chemicals...all without realizing I was in the room next door..._

"...What the fuck were you doing in here when we were playing superheroes!?"

_...Trying to find a key?_

"Okay let's just keep going and try to find Stripe."

We went to the room where that black eating monster was in. Oh god...this place is still gross...

"So you have come! You two are very foolish to have come here!"

"Just give me back my guinea pig man! I just want to take it home and hope my boyfriend doesn't know anything about this!"

"I'm sorry kids, but you know too much!"

"We don't know anything! I just want my guinea pig! I don't even know why you assholes keep taking him! Jesus! This is way too much pressure!"

"Wait...so you don't know about the guinea pig uprising?"

"...What!?" That's when I finally noticed that new kid was behind the police chief and kicked to the ground.

"Ow! Shit! Asshole!"

I walked towards the asshole and grabbed him by the collar. "Where. Is. My. Guinea. Pig?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"...New kid...still do that farting thing?"

The new kid nodded and positioned their butt near the police chief's face.

"Y-you wouldn't d-dare..."

"At this point, if I don't get what I want, you're going to get a face full of farts. So start talking. Where is my son!"

_I'd tell him, he'll do anything if it meant getting a kiss from his boyfriend._

"..."

"I'm giving you to a count of three. 1..." Nothing. "...2..." Nothing. "...3-"

"Wait! Alright alright! I'll tell you where the chosen one is!"

"Chosen one!? What!?"

"The chosen one...the one that will set all the guinea pigs free and the uprising will begin!"

"...Are kidding me!? I thought the pan flute thing was keeping the guinea pigs away...also why the fuck is Stripe the chosen one!?"

"Because, he's belongs to the one that would stop the guinea pig uprising!"

"You mean Craig!?"

"That's right! A twisted fate isn't it? The one that stops the guinea pig uprising and the one that will start it. Living in harmony in one house...like yin and yang..."

"...Do you also want to punch this motherfucker new kid?" They nodded. "Just tell me where my guinea pig is!"

"Mexico."

"Mexico!?"

* * *

We went back to my house. We sat down on my couch and I burst into tears.

"That's it. I failed. I'll never get Stripe back. Craig is going to come home and realized I lost his favorite pet, and...and he'll break up with me and never talk to me again. He'll never invite me to sleepovers. He'll never rub my head when I have a bad headache...he'll never even let me stand next to him in the background every time Stan and his friends does something! Oh god! I'm going to be alone forever!"

_No you won't. I'm sure Craig will understand._

"Dude, there are a few things that Craig cares about. Red Racer, space, laundry, guinea pigs, and I guess me...but since I'm the one that lose one of the things he likes....his list has gotten short..."

_Well don't give up so easily. Why don't we just go to Mexico?_

"You know how hard that would be!? We don't know how to get to Mexico!"

_Didn't you and the other guys managed to get to Mexico to get that whale you thought could talk to space?_

"Yeah...but...that took a lot of luck and determination!"

_Then what's stopping you getting there this time?_

"...Nnnggg...but how are we going to get to Mexico!?"

"What's this about Mexico dear?"

"Mom!"

"Hello new kid, nice to see you."

"..."

"Um...mom...if it isn't too much trouble...but could you and dad drive me and the new kid to Mexico?"

"...Now why on earth would you want me and your father to take you to Mexico?"

"Um...uh...b-because if you don't then...Craig is going to break up with me?"

* * *

"Do you have everything son?"

"Yes dad."

"Sunscreen?"

"Yes."

"Money?"

"Yes.."

"Do you have your coffee? You're passport? Your-"

"Dad! We'll be fine! You can go now!"

"Alright kiddo...you sure you don't want me or your mother to come with you guys?"

"We'll be fine! This is something we have to deal with on our own!"

"Okay kiddo, call us if you need us to pick you up!"

"Okay dad, thanks."

We waved my parents goodbye and started walking.

_What do we do? We don't really know who to ask that knows about Stripe..._

"...Oh god! I forgot! God damn it! We should have farted on that police chief! He didn't give us that much info! This was a bad idea! Why are we in Mexico!? Why are we-" The new kid covered my mouth and pointed at a poster.

The sign said, "have questions? Come in and ask us anything! We know everything."

_Ain't that convenient?_

"R-right...let's go." We walked in and were met with a man sitting on a stool. "Um...excuse me sir..."

"Hm?"

"Um...I was wondering if you have seen a guinea pig named Stripe anywhere?" The new kid then held up a drawing of Stripe.

"Oh...the chosen one."

"Yeah yeah! Have you seen him!?"

"Sorry my friends, but unfortunately, the guinea pig you seek has already been taken to Peru."

"Peru!? Oh god! It already took us three days to get to Mexico, who knows how long it'll take to get to Peru! We're doomed new kid! Doomed...we'll never get Stripe back!" I cried out.

"..."  _Do you happen to know a place that sells planes?_

"Oh sure, follow me to the back."

"What are you-"

_Trust me._

Nnnggg...so far they've never let me down...I guess I should trust them. We followed the man to the back until we were outside. There were a bunch of planes out here.

"Oh I see, we're going to fly to Peru!" The new kid nodded. "Great...um sir, could you please fly us to Peru?"

"No can do."

"What? But...aren't you the pilot?"

"Oh no...I just collect planes, I don't actually know how to fly. You can have one if you want though. Good luck kids." The man then walks back inside.

"...Back to square one new kid! Who is going to fly the plane now!?"

The new kid suddenly grabs my arm and we headed towards a small plane that could fit the both of us. The new kid forces me to get into the back seat while they sit in the front.

"W-what are you doing?"

The new kid turned to me and smiled. I'm getting nervous.  _You trust me right?_

"Um...I do...but I feel like I shouldn't..."

They suddenly turned on the engine. Wait a minute...they aren't really going to...oh god! I grabbed my seat belt and pulled on it tightly. We're not really...the plane started moving...oh god...we are...

"Oh god!" The plane continued moving until we finally got off the ground. I started to scream. "Oh Jesus Christ! We're gonna diiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!!"

We were already in the air and I already feel like throwing up.

_See, we're going to get to Peru in no time!_

"Okay I believe you! Just keep your eyes on the sky and don't talk to me!"

"..." I can tell the new kid is smirking. As much as I hate to admit...this is kinda fun...I never thought I had fun with just the new kid. I bet it would be more fun if Craig was here...oh god...I miss him.

My phone started ringing. "Oh god! It's Craig!"

_Answer him!_

"Nnnggg...hey Craig!"

"Hey, hope you don't mind we face time, I miss seeing you."

"Aw...Craig..."

I could hear smooching sound behind Craig and in front of me. Both me and Craig flipped off the person making those sounds. Oh god...Craig really is a huge influence in my life.

"Will you shut up you little goblin? Anyways listen, turns out this trip is actually going to be short."

"...What?"

"Yeah, dad broke his arm when we were visiting the biggest ball of yarn...I did not expect a ball a yarn to crush my dad's arm...huh...anyways, we're heading back to South Park a bit early, so I'll be back tomorrow."

"...Oh..okay...that's great..."

"Don't worry, if Stripe is still fine then that deal we have will still be on the table."

"Oh...great...yeah..."

"Anyways, I gotta go. See you tomorrow babe."

"Yeah...ha ha..." We hung up and I put my phone back into my pocket. "...Oh god! We're doomed!"

_No we're not. Look!_

I looked down and was surprised that we've already reached Peru. Jesus...that was lucky. I thought this would take longer.

"Wow...you're pretty good at flying if you managed to get us here less than two hours."

_Oh I'm not...in fact...I have no idea how to fly this thing nor do I have any idea to land it..._

"..."

"..."

"...Are you insane!?"

_I just thought if I pretended to be a good pilot then we would be okay, but you got me out of my pretend pilot self and now we're gonna crash!_

"Oh god! We're going to die! Goodbye mom! Goodbye dad! Goodbye Craig! Goodbye South Park! And to Stripe...I'm sorry that I was the worse dad you ever got!"

"..." The new kid suddenly throws me a backpack. I clumsily grabbed it. It was a parachute.

"Are you kidding me!?"

_Either you jump, or die. You're choice here buddy._

"Nng...okay! Just put on your parachute then!"

"..."

"Dude! Put on your parachute!"

"..."

"...There is no other parachute is there?" The new kid shook their head. "Oh god! Well...we'll just share!"

_No time. You gotta jump now!_

"But I can't leave you...you'll die!" I said as tears started forming.

_Hey...I not the hero in this story this time. You are. Now go. Save your guinea pig son and get that kiss._

"New kid...I'm sorry for never being nice to you...you're...you're okay..."

The new kid smiled at me. I suddenly grabbed them and gave them a hug. The new kid pats my back before they pushed me off.

"Gah! The fuck man!" The new kid simply waved at me and smiled. "...G-goodbye!" I watched as the plane crashes into the mountains. Oh god! I quickly realized I was almost to the ground, so I opened the parachute and safely landed in the forest. "...Ow! Fuck!" I groaned. I quickly sat up and looked at my surroundings. Oh Jesus, this place is huge.

I stood up and looked at the sky. I can still see the fire where the plane crashed. "...New kid...thank you..." I sniffled and proceeded my way. I got to find Stripe. Not just for my sake, but for Craig's...and the new kid's.

* * *

I've been walking in this forest for what felt like hours. Oh god, how the hell am I suppose to find Stripe in this place? It's huge! I finally decided to sit down and take a break. This is hopeless. I don't know what I'm doing! I can't do this on my own! I wish new kid was here...I wish Craig was here...I wish my friends were here...heck...I even wish Cartman was here...

They were right...I can't do this on my own. I shouldn't have offered to babysit Stripe, I should have asked for help. I can't do anything right! I started crying and grabbed a nearby leaf to wipe my tears away.

"...Wait...isn't this...a piece of lettuce? What the..." I stood up and realized that there were giant size food around me. I also realized I was sitting on a half eaten celery stick. What the...

"So you have come at last..."

"Gah!"

"There is no need to scream now for you are too late. The guinea pig uprising is here at last!"

"Oh god!"

"Wait a minute...you're not Craig!"

"Huh? N-no I'm Tweek...Craig's boyfriend."

"What? Where's Craig then?"

"In vacation?"

"Oh...I was actually expecting him..."

"Well no...it's just me...I also had the new kid but...they're gone...look man, just give me back my guinea pig!"

"No, this guinea pig is our only chance at having the guinea pig uprising! Once we put him on the pedestal, not even those awful pan flutes will stop us!"

"Jesus Christ man, all I want is to take Stripe home, give him a little bath, and feed him yogurt chips!"

"Oh yogurt chips sounds nice!"

"I want yogurt chips now!

"Hey can we get yogurt chips after this?"

I looked around and realized there are giant guinea pigs around us. Oh god! They're so huge...and kinda adorable. Aw...one of them is even wearing a bunny suit. That's so cute!

"Now now brothers and sisters, once we killed this spaz and put the chosen one on the pedestal, we'll get all the yogurt chips we want!"

"I-I'm not letting you use my son as a tool of world destruction!"

"Well what are you going to do about it? This is Stripe's destiny! This is-" Suddenly, Stripe bites the leader's hand and the leader drops him. "Ow! Son of a bitch!"

Stripe shakes his head and then starts running towards me.

"Stripe! Daddy's here!" I said as I picked up Stripe and kissed him. I never thought I missed a guinea pig this much.

"Stripe! What are you doing!?"

Stripe starts squeaking and making his cute guinea pig noises.

"What do you mean you don't want to be the chosen one!?"

More guinea pig noises.

"What do you mean you don't want to conquer the world and just want to go home and play with your dad! He's not even your real father! He's just some spazzy kid that bought you at the pet store!"

More guinea pig noises.

"You...you traitor! How could you do this to your own kind!? Brothers and sisters! Attack them!"

A bunch of giant guinea pigs started surrounding us and I started panicking. Oh god! We're going to be killed by giant guinea pigs.

Stripe then started making more noises.

"Huh? What you mean we don't have to conquer the humans?"

Stripe continued.

"Really? They'd do that? They give us lots of love and attention?"

I suddenly realized that Stripe is trying to get them on our side. I gotta help. "O-oh yeah! Um...we humans take really good care of our guinea pigs, we feed them lots of tasty celery and yogurt chips, and we even play with them. We would even let them climb all over our bodies. Craig and I do it lots of time when we're playing with Stripe!"

"Huh...that doesn't sound bad, right guys?"

"Yeah yeah! I want to get lots of head rubs!"

"Oh and I want to nibble on lots of guinea pig pellets! I heard they were tasty!"

"I want a human!"

"I want a human!"

"I want a human!"

"What! no! They'll simply cage you up like prisoners! I even heard that there were people that would eat you!"

"Well...true...this chef did try to eat a few...but I managed to save them and they basically murdered those chefs...oh god! I'm sure you all can managed not getting eaten...especially if you're able to get big and stuff!"

"Oh! We can do that! We can change our sizes and junk!" I watched as all the guinea pigs shrank and were now the size of normal guinea pigs.

"That's perfect everyone! You'll get adopted in no time!"

"Yay! Let's go around the world and get adopted!"

All the guinea pigs cheered and soon left. Probably to go around the world and get adopted. I kinda hope they find good homes.

"...Seriously?"

"Sorry man, but looks like your plan failed."

"Oh I don't think so..." The leader then took out a gun and pointed it at me. Oh god!

"You're going to shoot a fucking kid! What the fuck! Also, if you had that the entire time then why waste getting all those guinea pigs to try and kill me!?"

"Shut up! I'm going to enjoy seeing your brain splattered on the ground."

"Oh god!" I held Stripe closely to my chest as I closed my eyes. At least I finally got my son back. Sure I'll never get that kiss...but you know what...I don't mind...at least I can die knowing I finally prove that I can handle stuff like this.

"Goodbye not Craig!"

"It's Tweek!"

"Whatever you little-" I hear a loud thunk sound and I opened my eyes. It was the new kid.

"N-new kid!" I exclaimed.

_Missed me?_

"But how...the plane crashed and everything!"

_Oh I simply pressed continued after the plane crashed._

"What?"

_Nothing. Now let's get out of here._

"What about him?"

_Don't worry, I hit his head hard enough to leave him in a concussion._

"Jesus, well I'm glad you're here all...but how are we going to get home!? We don't have a plane and I don't know how far it is from civilization!"

_...I have a plan...but it's going to stink._

"What are you...oh god..."

_You might want to hold your breath._

"Oh god...if it gets us home quickly then...just do what you gotta do!"

The new kid grabs me and I held tightly to them. I could hear their stomach grumbling. Oh god, this is going to smell so bad. The ground below us started shaking and before I knew it, The new kid farted us into the air.

"Oh god!" We were going so fast that my eyes started to sting, both from how fast we were going and from the farts. We landed back in Mexico after crashing into that man with the plane's house.

"What the?"

"Sorry! Thanks for the plane and sorry we crashed it um...here's ten bucks! We gotta go!" I grabbed the new kid's arm and I started calling my parents. "Mom! Dad! Pick us up!"

Soon the car drove up and we quickly got in.

"Okay go!"

"Seat belts."

"Gah!" We both put on our seat belts. "Now go!"

"Manners honey."

"Please!"

"Now that wasn't hard was it?" My dad then starts the car and we were booking it.

I don't know how we managed to get back to South Park in an hour, but I didn't care...though I hope those old people were okay...

"Well your father and I are going back to work, have fun you two!"

"Yeah...thanks mom, thanks dad..."

"Bye sweetie!"

I sighed as I watched them drive off and quickly ran to my house and up to my room. I carefully placed Stripe inside his cage and sighed in relief.

_Told you we could get him._

"Yeah...." I flop on my bed and I felt like crying. We did it. We got Stripe back! Craig will never know about this. Ever. I looked at the new kid and watched as they gathered their stuff and was about to leave. "Hey...new kid..."

The new kid turned and looked at me. "...?"

"...Thanks...for helping me get Stripe...you're alright..."

"..." The new kid smiled at me. "Good luck getting that kiss Tweek."

"...You spoke!"

"...Yeah...I feel like I owe you that much...beside I kinda ran out of paper. See ya!"

I waved them goodbye until they left. I looked out of my window and watched as they walked away. They're still a strange kid though. I laid back and suddenly felt something underneath me. It was a note from the new kid.

_I'm a girl by the way...just don't tell anyone._

I looked at the note and smiled. They're really weird, but alright in my book. I laid back and looked at the cage on my table. I smiled as I watched Stripe sleeping soundly inside. I was about to sleep myself, but I got up and quickly locked my windows closed and my door. Just in case you know...

I laid back on my bed and fell asleep. That was one adventure I'll never want to do again.

* * *

"Oh! There he is! It's dad!" I said to Stripe. Stripe made a little sound and I knew he was also excited.

Craig got out of the car once they stopped and he started walking towards me.

"There's my two favorite people in the world!" Craig smiled.

"Hey! Look! Stripe is okay!"

"Yes he is...I'm surprised. I'm sorry for having any doubts...I need to trust you more."

"Yes you do. See, I can totally handle taking care of a guinea pig for more than an hour!"

"Yeah, well if I ever need someone to babysit Stripe for awhile, I'll be sure to call you."

"Yep...but um...just give me a week's notice...to prepare and all that." I said.

"Alright...well...since you won the bet, I'll do whatever you tell me to do for a whole day."

"Uh huh..." I started to blush.

"So...what is it you want me to do....I hope it doesn't involve something embarrassing..."

"...C-could you um...could you kiss me on the lips!?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry...it's just...you've been kissing me everywhere except for my lips...I feel like I deserve that you know..."

"Tweek...the reason I never kissed you on the lips is because I wanted to make it special for you..."

"...Really?"

"Yeah..."

"Craig...any day with you is special to me."

Craig looked at me and smiled. We both started blushing. "So um...I guess...I'll kiss you now..."

"Y-yeah..."

"Um...should I tilt my head or um...will you do that...also should I go slow or fast....um-"

"Just kiss me you dork," I growled.

"Right." Craig leans in and kisses me on the lips. Yep, like I imagined. It was magical. We pulled away and we blushed even harder. Jesus...I really do love him.

"...I love you..."

"I love you too Tweek," Craig blushed as he pulled his hat down. I giggled at how embarrassed he is.

"Gay!" Tricia screams from the car.

"You guys are still here!?"

"We just wanted to see our son being cute with his boyfriend," Craig's mom said.

"God damn it! Just leave!" Craig turns to me, his face was even redder. "I'm heading inside."

"O-okay, I'll be with you..." Craig nodded, he took Stripe and headed inside. I sighed in relief and put my hands in my pockets. I felt something inside. "Huh?" I took it out and found the new kid's number. "..." I took out my phone and started calling them. I was sent to their voicemail. "Hey new kid...um...just wanted to say thanks again for earlier and with Stripe...um...if you want, you can come over and hang out with us...I'm sure Craig wouldn't mind....we could play video games or something..."

"...I think you and Craig deserve some alone time together."

"Oh Jesus!" I turned and saw the new kid. "Don't scare me like that...what are you doing here anyways?"

"I thought I drop by and check up on you. By the way, that kiss was super cute," the new kid gushed.

"Y-yeah...still thanks again...if you want...whenever Craig and I aren't doing anything romantic or stuff...you can come over and hang out..."

"...I would like that..." The new kid smiled. They turned, about to leave. "Now you better get in there, I'm sure Craig is dying to know what you want him to do."

"Oh! R-right! I didn't think about that! I was so focus on the kiss!" I exclaimed.

The new kid giggles. "Good luck Tweek."

"Um...bye new kid...oh and you better tell me your real name one of these days cause it's weird calling you new kid all the time!"

"I'll think about it!" The new kid then leaves, waving.

I wave back and headed inside. Today was a good day. "C-Craig! I got something I would like you to do!" I smiled. It's just Craig, Stripe, and me. I couldn't be happier.

"...Hey Tweek...why is Stripe's fur covered in tomato sauce, beer, and dirt...and why does he have this weird marking on his head?"

Oh god!

* * *

"...Glad to see you back new kid!"

"You know Kenny, there could have been an easier way of checking Tweek's progress..."

"Yeah well...I just need to make sure the guy didn't use his lightning powers to destroy the town. He is the only one with actual powers...aside from you of course..."

"Yeah yeah...but seriously...I came back from fucking Peru man...I kinda know how Craig feels at this moment.

"Well hey, it wasn't my fault those mobsters would start a chain of events like that! I just wanted you to take the guinea pig from Tweek while he was sleeping, hand them to the mob, and both you and Tweek go and save him and you report back to me if he would explode or something."

"Yeah well...you should have told those assholes to not give Stripe to the chefs...who gave him to the police...who took them to Mexico, and then Peru."

"Well you know...I just...oh shit..."

"What?"

"I realized...I think I didn't really tell the mob the full plan."

"What?"

"It was really late at night, I was very sleepy! I think I just told them to take the guinea pig...I think I forgot to tell them to keep the guinea pig with them...sorry."

"Great, so I basically gave them a lap dance for nothing...thanks a lot jerk."

"I said I was sorry."

"You almost got Tweek and I killed!"

"It was an honest mistake!"

"Fuck you. I'm getting that pizza without you man."

"What! Oh come on!"

"Nope, you'd be lucky if you even get an anchovy slice."

"...Can I at least get a huge slice?"

"...I'm thinking about it...but if you get Tweek, Craig, or Stripe in danger ever again, then I'll see you in hell."

"Fair enough...boy...you must really like those guys if you went through all this trouble for them..."

"...I only did it for the story...and for the fan art...that's all.."

"You sure, it seems you enjoyed hanging with Tweek earlier..."

"...You know what...you're not getting pizza at all."

"Oh come on! New kid...new kid! You know what...I like it better when you didn't talk...new kid? W-wait for me!"

**The end.**

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, why don't you follow me on my [tumblr](http://roseyblogstuff.tumblr.com/) and check out more south park stuff from me!


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